Wednesday, February 25, 2015

The Chronicles of Phillip Johnson, Part 2

The Hex-Bug we hope Phillip Johnson will love
(To read Part 1, go here)

~He's A Slippery Little Devil~

We start tossing ideas back and forth about how to capture or kill Phillip Johnson. Frank wonders if someone will lend us a cat.  I suggest getting our hands on an owl. Natalie and Sam think if they can just get their hex bug downstairs and have it walk around, Phillip Johnson will fall in love with it and we can catch him while he's distracted.

Frank decides to try to trap Phillip Johnson in a bowl. He spends some time in the basement and sees it, but doesn't get a chance to trap it.

We can speak of almost nothing but Phillip Johnson as the hours pass. Have you checked the traps? Has anyone seen him? I tell my Tupperware consultant that there is a vole named Phillip Johnson running around our basement. I am assured this is totally fine.  (Tupperware consultants are brave and ready for anything.)

I walk past the laundry room just as Frank is taking a load of clothes out of the dryer. "You know what I'm thinking?" he asks, "Leaf blower in reverse!"

Frank is ready to vacuum up Phillip Johnson
He travels out to the garage and retrieves the leaf blower. He plans to sit still until he sees it, then quickly turn it on in reverse and vacuum up Phillip Johnson. I suggest that once it's captured in the leaf blower, he should drop the leaf blower bag into a snow drift in the front yard and run. But alas, all of our good plans go to waste as he sees Phillip Johnson several times but by the time he turns on the motor, Phillip Johnson has scurried out of leaf blower range.

I need to send Joe downstairs for a Q-tip. I explain where they are and that he needs to be careful to avoid mousetraps. He agrees and while there, has a run-in with Phillip Johnson. While he hands over the Q-tip, he details the experience. "He scurried around near Dad's office, it looked like he wanted to get under the pantry shelves, but he bumped into a blue plastic Easter Egg then ran off."
Now I have to leave. I have had plans to take Ben out on a "date" since Christmas. We are off to see the SpongeBob movie and have dinner together at Applebee's. I am happy to leave Phillip Johnson behind for now.
Will Phillip Johnson still be terrorizing our household when I get home? Will he make an appearance at the Tupperware party? Will he ever sample the peanut butter in one of the mousetraps? Will we have to fight him off every time we need a Q-tip? Why are there blue Easter Eggs lying around on the floor of my basement? Many (or some) of these questions will be answered in our next installment of The Chronicles of Phillip Johnson.

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