Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Sometimes the Grief is like this


I need to learn, but I keep forgetting

when I check the phone and expect to see a text from her, I have forgotten

when my first thought is, "she's going to love hearing this", I have forgotten

when I am lost in thought and turn down her street to visit her, I have forgotten

when I realize it's been a long time since I heard from her and what is she so busy doing?, I have forgotten

I am mean to myself

I harshly bark at myself, "She's dead!  Stop being dumb!  She won't be calling you!"

and the hurt comes back again

I don't want to stop forgetting

because during those few, fleeting seconds when I forget, she is still alive to me

13 comments:

  1. I am very sorry for your loss.

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  2. Andrea, my heart reaches out to touch yours in solidarity with loss. I have lost my sister, a brother, my parents, friends and patients in the last six years to where I am not sure which direction is loss and which is up. I hope that the memories you have of your beloved sister bring you some comfort as you travel this path of grief so fraught with setbacks and potholes, tangled feelings and misery. Try not to bark harshly at yourself for forgetting-it's those brief instances which keep our loved ones alive for us...

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    1. Thank you, Lynda. I'm sorry you have dealt with so much loss. I hope you are working through it okay.

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    2. Thanks, Andrea, working thru it seems to have become life as it needs to be lived. Normal never returned; something took its place. It passes for real, it looks like real and yet it somehow someway feels wrong and loose. Like my mooring lines have too much slack in them to be really secure...?... does that make any sense to you ?~!

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    3. Yes, it makes perfect sense.

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  3. Oh it is so hard. The hole that is there where a person should be.

    My sympathies.
    Emily
    www.weakandloved.com

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    1. Thank you, Emily, that is exactly right.

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  4. Happy Birthday to Sammy J. Aunt Kate and Brandon are jivin' to your singing today. We love you!

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  5. Andy, I think about you and kate and your mom and Sue'shusband and kids everyday! Your family has the warmest energy and I am blessed to have felt it all my life! I can't believe how you have all stayed strong through the last few years! Love you so much!

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    1. Thank you, Trina. I am lucky to have had the love of your family too. :) Love you.

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  6. I am so sorry that you have suffered the losses that have given you such wisdom but so appreciative that you are sharing so genuinely to any who are willing to learn.

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