The weight of you not here nearly broke my back -- Kid Rock, When it Rains
When I made it through a day, or an hour, or a minute, it was sometimes so hard that I felt like I should be rewarded. I rewarded myself with food, or with the indulgence of not giving a damn about my health. I didn't exercise. In fact, many days it took all I had just to get out of bed and take care of the kids. I had no emotional reserves. I was constantly exhausted.
Without really noticing or caring, I gained 20 pounds in 8 months. I was overweight before this, too.
|Violet is way more enthusiastic about running than I am, she LOVES it.|
In August I spent an evening with a good friend. As is usual when she comes to town, we had deep conversations about life and what we love about it, and what we want out of it. I had been keeping an idea to myself that came out during that talk.
"I want to be able to run 3 miles by the time I turn 40." I told her.
"You can do that." she told me. I was skeptical (This friend happens to run marathons, I'm so proud of her, she is a rock star. I obviously don't run marathons, and I wasn't sure if she remembered what it was like to be someone who was out of shape.)
"I need to be held accountable or I won't do it." I told her.
"Then text me at the end of each workout. I will be waiting for your texts."
We left it at that. When I got home I downloaded an "album" onto my ipod called "Personal Running Trainer's 8 weeks to 5K".
That first Monday, I got up and did the first workout. I texted my friend. She was so encouraging.
Well I can do this week, I thought, but I probably won't be able to do all the workouts next week. But I did. Another friend decided to start doing it too. I also text her at the end of each run, and she texts me when she runs. I didn't think I could sustain it but I did, and I am. I keep doing the next week, and the next, and the next, and the next.
This morning I completed week 7.
You guys, I can't believe I'm actually doing this.
I still don't care so much about my weight. It takes me a long time to lose weight. It is going down, but very slowly. But now I do care about taking care of myself. I care about feeling good, physically and mentally. I'm finding that it is helping me so much with stress, anxiety, and even grief.
I don't have everything figured out, not by a long-shot. I still have days when I turn to food for comfort. I'm working on that. But I do know that this running program is getting me just a tiny bit closer to becoming the person I want to be.