Monday, June 30, 2014

5 Summer Issues in Our House

We are in Summer Mode now.  We have tossed the crinkled school papers, smelly gym shoes, and backpacks into a corner.  We haven't looked at a school lunch menu in weeks.  We don't rush out the door in the mornings, with me yelling instructions like a drill sergeant.  We wake up slowly and quietly.  I like it. However, there are several major changes that occur during summer that take some getting used to.

1.  Toilet Paper Use:  when the kids are home for the summer, we seem to go through truckloads of toilet paper.  I've considered investigating why it seems that having four kids around all day results in the daily use of enough toilet paper to wipe the butts of everybody who attended Woodstock (did they have bathrooms and toilet paper at Woodstock?  Not sure).  But really, I don't actually want to know why this is happening. It would probably just gross me out and/or make me mad.

2.  Requests for Snacks:  My kids can't seem to make it through a five minute block of time without thinking about food.  Between the four of them, there is someone eating or asking to eat a snack or meal every 4.2 seconds.

3. Messes:  Oh my, the messes.  These are super-sized messes, my friends.  These are rub-mud-all-over-one's-entire-body-plus-the-wagon-and-the-dog messes.  There are drippy popsicle messes, grass clippings on feet messes, just poured sand from the sandbox over my head messes, we decided to make a special lunch! messes, and bikes-rollerblades-wagons-soccer goals-basketballs-baseball bats-tennis rackets-shoes-sidewalk chalk-helmets-dog toys-snow shovels(?)-scooters littering our front lawn messes. So.many.messes.

4. Arguments: It's not as if my kids don't argue during the school year, they surely do.  But in the summer, their normal arguments morph into super-ridiculous crazy-fests of weirdness.
A typical summer argument starts with Joe getting a song stuck in his head.  Let's say it's "Happy" by Pharrell Williams.  Joe then walks up to Natalie and sings, "Because I'm NATTIE, clap your hands if you feel that NATALIE is the truth!"
Then Natalie starts yelling, "JOE STOP, JUST STOP I'M-TELLING-YOU-TO-STOP!"
Then Joe sings another verse of his song, inserting "Natalie" into it some more.
Natalie screams.
I say (or yell) "Joe! Just stop it already!"
Joe pouts.
Joe stomps around the house proclaiming that "Nat is always yelling at me and I don't do ANYTHING to her!"
Natalie responds with a dig at Joe involving Pokemon that I don't understand.
<end scene>
10 minutes later, Joe has another song stuck in his head and decides to walk by Natalie, inserting her name into the lyrics.
I kid you not, 90 percent of the fights around here involve people inserting others' names into song lyrics, with the other 10 percent having something to do with Pokemon.

5.  Milk:  I am buying so much milk.  They just drink so much milk.  I don't know how to even keep our house stocked with enough milk to keep these people happy.  Just so very much milk.  Also, you wouldn't believe how much milk.

Happy Monday to you!


  1. This is so funny. I can see the mayhem... all over the yard, the house, the playground. Summer is in the air... glad you're having an interesting summer, Andi.