It is cooler than normal today, but sunny. I am taking a few minutes to myself while the kids put away the groceries for me. The eggs, bread, and cheese will all end up in weird, unexpected spots, but I don't mind. It is still better than doing it myself.
I'm checking the time, I have a half hour before my mom brings Sue's daughter over to play. I think about how every day I wish I was being a better Aunt to her and her sister and brothers. When I promised Sue I would help take care of them, I had no idea what that would be like. There was no practical plan in either of our minds. Sue's mother-in-law has quit her job to be with the kids during the day. I am grateful for that but also sometimes feel that it is a failure on my part. I told her I'd help, but what am I doing?
So I just keep writing stories about Sue. My self-appointed job is to write down all the memories I can before I start to forget. They might want to read these stories when they are adults. They might want to know all about their mom the way I knew her.
I stumble along, not sure of anything on this journey, and I know I sometimes fall short of who I want to be. I am completely sure of one thing, though. I am so thankful that she left us with these two boys and two girls, they are like a healing balm for my aching heart.
|All the cousins, November 2011|